This reminds me of a lesson I have learned and re-learned and still need to learn again: The only person we can change is ourselves. The trick is in seeing where and how to make that change.
Dear Lana, I want to thank you from the bottom of my dirty-dish-pile for writing this piece! I could have written it almost verbatim. I almost did, but you beat me to it. I have a long history of dish-o-phobia or dish-hysteria, as the case may be. It was quite an issue for me while raising my 5 kids single-handedly (though there was a cleaning lady on and off).
It seemed I spilled all the ills of the world onto the dirty dishes and the fact that my kids wouldn't at least put them in the dishwasher, or wash them, could throw me into a tizzy.
I fully relate to your shift in mindset as it relates to this dish-issue, as I had my own epiphany. As I dove deeper into the journey of self-discovery and the meditative path, I learned that the issues weren't about the dishes at all. I learned to stop blaming and self-victimizing. I learned that I felt alone and unsupported after my divorce, and a clean sink somehow became the emblem of the Loving Support I lacked.
My 4 older kids have left the house but I still have my 17yo son to support my spiritual practice. And he does what a good guru does - he leaves dirty dishes in the sink, on the counter, and by the sofa.
I breathe deeply.
Thank him.
Smile.
Maybe make a joke.
And mindfully, lovingly, compassionately soap up the dishes.
What a wonderful comment to wake up to this morning. I love your term dish-hysteria. It is so apt. And the truth of your son being your remaining kitchen guru does leave me aching a little. Your ephany about the lessons learned from unresolved grief from your divorce has made me think about why I struggle with lessons around money and feeling alone with supporting my daughter in her adulting. I suspect some of the anxiety I feel comes from divorcing her father - I may need to write about it. And, hey, while our stories are similar, I think it would be fantastic if you wrote about your experience with coming to peace with dishes. It's unique!
This reminds me of a lesson I have learned and re-learned and still need to learn again: The only person we can change is ourselves. The trick is in seeing where and how to make that change.
Dear Lana, I want to thank you from the bottom of my dirty-dish-pile for writing this piece! I could have written it almost verbatim. I almost did, but you beat me to it. I have a long history of dish-o-phobia or dish-hysteria, as the case may be. It was quite an issue for me while raising my 5 kids single-handedly (though there was a cleaning lady on and off).
It seemed I spilled all the ills of the world onto the dirty dishes and the fact that my kids wouldn't at least put them in the dishwasher, or wash them, could throw me into a tizzy.
I fully relate to your shift in mindset as it relates to this dish-issue, as I had my own epiphany. As I dove deeper into the journey of self-discovery and the meditative path, I learned that the issues weren't about the dishes at all. I learned to stop blaming and self-victimizing. I learned that I felt alone and unsupported after my divorce, and a clean sink somehow became the emblem of the Loving Support I lacked.
My 4 older kids have left the house but I still have my 17yo son to support my spiritual practice. And he does what a good guru does - he leaves dirty dishes in the sink, on the counter, and by the sofa.
I breathe deeply.
Thank him.
Smile.
Maybe make a joke.
And mindfully, lovingly, compassionately soap up the dishes.
xoxo Tamy Skye✨
Hello Tamy,
What a wonderful comment to wake up to this morning. I love your term dish-hysteria. It is so apt. And the truth of your son being your remaining kitchen guru does leave me aching a little. Your ephany about the lessons learned from unresolved grief from your divorce has made me think about why I struggle with lessons around money and feeling alone with supporting my daughter in her adulting. I suspect some of the anxiety I feel comes from divorcing her father - I may need to write about it. And, hey, while our stories are similar, I think it would be fantastic if you wrote about your experience with coming to peace with dishes. It's unique!
Hi Lana, thank you for your reflective response. I may write about the dishes, there’s lots there! haha
Everything comes from something and so I imagine that you can trace your emotions back to life situations. Good idea to write about it.